(someone you've drifted away from,
the person you miss the most)
last christmas, i secretly wished to have you with me. all i want for christmas is you. well i whispered too softly. also, there was already a pre-arrangement. butterflies though, fluttered inside my stomach. baby butterflies. i should know better than to have this written. there's nothing left to say.
the pillow lost its scent. your smell vaporized soon as i walked away. was there a closure? i hated my own room. it reminds me of you. even the camel has your footprints. i've come to terms with the room; to turn sourness into sweetness. it didn't work. just you alone always had me feeling melancholy.
this christmas, i secretly wish to have you with me. just to have you hug me so i could whisper goodbye. to thank you for the times that you lost tolerating my inanity. i'm that unbelievable. for the concern that you gave to me, i cannot thank you enough. mono really had me on the bed for a week.
i sincerely apologize for the hurtful things i've said, the times when i questioned your honesty, and the hatred that you must've developed. perhaps it's already too late. we're both damaged. least i know my heart is. you were a part of me and i've no regrets.
i miss shrieking your full name when you won't listen to me. i miss listening to you babbling over my tumblr obsession. i miss playing with your hair and pull out the gray hairs. i miss being mad and have you said comel je awak. oh fuck it i miss you.
this christmas, i know i can no longer have that hug. but this christmas, could you please not deny their existence? they miss you as much as i do. they miss your presence and it breaks their heart that you ignore them. they're not to be punished.
i saw just the perfect gift, i think. my goodbye to you. good luck with your future endeavors. my prayers are with you.
