day 12 - spin

(the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain)

a wind has blown the rain away and blown the sky away and all the leaves away, and the trees stand. i think, i too, have known autumn too long.

- e. e. cummings

i tried. the stronger i force it, the harder it is to let go. but i tried. what is left of me? i am literally statued at the crossroad. no question. to juggle between what the heart whispers, and what the head balances is torturing. yes, it is self-inflicted. but how can it not be? nonsensical demeanor. perhaps. but there is/was (i no longer am certain), so much love that hatred is out of the question. how do you do it? how do you hate someone who matters/mattered?

the cause of pain is only, and only because of the need to hate unwillingly, so to compress the unrequited love.